November 4, 2006
My sense of family
During the past few years, I have learned to be true to myself so that I may grow and become the woman that I know I’m meant to be. While I have been evolving, I realize that my sense of family has always been off kilter. My loyalties were for blood relatives and never for myself. I have learned that blood is not thicker than water and vice versus. If I spend time with an individual and they leave me with a sense of emptiness or exhaustion, then I know that person is not right for me. Distancing myself from these people, whether they are family or friends, has left me to create my own sense of family. One that is filled with loving, respectful individuals who add joy to my life.
This discovery that I can choose my own family has given me a sense of freedom. True friends with pure hearts may be difficult to find, but when you do, what a blessing it is to have them share in your life experiences. I have discovered the blog of ”Grace” who shares her insights regarding family. Her words are wise and her site is intriguing. Please visit her at:
Grace said,
November 4, 2006 at 10:52 am
“One that is filled with loving, respectful individuals who add joy to my life.”
Amen, Sistah…I hope that I might be one of those new ones
With gratitude,
Grace
Eliana-Noelle said,
November 5, 2006 at 2:30 am
You speak from the heart and that is very encouraging. I agree..I have chosen my family years ago. My blood relatives dont appreciate me, so I wont stand in the way. I will go were I can be.
love2fish said,
November 5, 2006 at 6:03 pm
Your family members are human, meaning completely flawed like the rest of us. I think we expect more from family than friends -specifically unconditional love. We want acceptance, praise and loyalty. They’ve known us forever, and sometimes they don’t recognize when we mature. They expect us to make the same mistakes over and over.
I have an interesting mix in my family. I love them dearly for the people they are, not what I expect them to become for me. I’m all for lowering your expectations and looking for some good in every individual, family or friend.
kjamrozy said,
November 5, 2006 at 7:10 pm
I was blessed to grow up with a respectful and loving family. I love them all very much. My family does not still live near each other, so we are very excited when we can see each other. I have decided that is the key to staying “close” to your family. I have observed over the years people who live close to their families seem to end up in more fights and petty disagreements.
I have very good friends I consider family as well. I think that there is more than enough room in my life for both. The special thing about my family that I do not share blood with is that I picked them and they picked me. The special thing about my family that I do share blood with is a history, roots, sense of belonging, and understanding.
I have even a different type of relationship with my husband’s family. I get along with them very well. Although they are “family” by definition, I do not let them nor ask them to replace my blood family.
People should not have to choose one type of family. They should have enough room and love in their hearts to maintain different types of relationships with different groups of people. This does not mean I love one group more than another group. It means that each group has a place in my life at different intamacy levels and space perameters.
lvambrandrw said,
November 11, 2006 at 1:25 pm
I am closer to some of my friends than my own family. In some instances I would consider them to be family over my actual family. I have met some of my best friends at work and I certainly think of them as family. Once you spend a lot of time with a person and get to know them, I think we start thinking of them as family whether blood related or not.
Grace said,
December 1, 2006 at 2:07 pm
Hi, Julia….My original blog was deleted. I’m in the process of rebuilding it
so the link that you referenced so kindly has been changed. I can be found at http://www.gud2.wordpress.com
Best of everything to you!
sandrar said,
September 11, 2009 at 10:27 am
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog.
Cheers! Sandra. R.
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